This has been a loooooong time coming; I had meant to write an article for this website and time and time again I had been too tired or too consumed by other things in my life to put up a new post on this site. I will say that I had been too busy to put out new content but that isn’t entirely accurate. Instead there’s something else that I want to talk about today that has been making a LOT of sense to me lately:
So what is transition? The definition is
Noun – the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.
Verb – undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition.
I am talking about the transition from one part of this life into another part or phase – not knowing the bigger picture, but trusting that God will show me this later.
So to tell my story up to before I got sober, my life was more peaks and valleys; one struggle to the next it seemed. I was always hopeful that I could pull out of the mess that I got myself into but as soon as I enjoyed some time in the sun, I would seem to fall back into more mess and struggle.
The most recent disaster that God used to reveal my struggle with codependency also helped me to transition into a season of trusting in Him. I transitioned into a new career, a new way of making a living; avenues that were once open to me were now closing. I was learning to trust.
I wish that I could sell you a story of flowers and doves and that I just blindly followed God and was so happy and I rode off into the sunset but that is a lie! I yelled, cussed, screamed and even cried to God. I think I understand now some of the struggles that some writers of scripture when they cried out to God, they tore their robes in agony and that does not paint a pretty picture. But I did not curse God. As I dig deeper into this; I am now seeing that this is true worship, not me pretending that everything is good; not pretending that all is well – me crying out to God that I am not ok! King David often did this in the Psalms and God called him a man after his own heart.
Now in this time I learned much; I made new friendships and new connections. I met a very kind and loving person and am hopeful for our future together. I learned a lot yet my work slowly started to push other things out of my life. My passions started to get put on a shelf and I trusted God yet I struggled inside. I cried out to God yet again “do you even care?” “What do you want from me?”
Yet as I was whining, God was working. Deep down I knew that everything would be ok, sometimes it’s hard to trust and I for one know this. God is always working, he doesn’t need to eat or sleep like we do, he’s not on a smoke break or watching YouTube while we are hurting. He is working and it will happen in His timing.
Fast forward just a bit, I felt there was to be a time for transition. I left the ministry I was helping with, I felt God tell me that my work was done there, the he was moving me to something else. Something was stirring in me that it was a time of transition. I kept running into people I used to work with and something moved in me to call someone and we worked out a solution for me to go back to building houses…God had brought others back together at the same time to do something special. Not only to make some money but help each other too. It was time to transition. I put in notice at my work. I felt some creativity come back into these bones. Unexpected funds showed up that I didn’t expect. Time for transition.
Now I am not writing this for others who are unhappy with where they are in life to quit their job and tell their boss where to stick it; no! This is MY story; and I didn’t tell anyone where to stick anything! In fact, I was able to make this transition perhaps in an even better way than before and stay involved in new business ventures that are coming up with my current friends; not employers. I gushed with appreciation for them and even hugged them as a brother on the way out the door. ALWAYS leave on a positive note if you have to leave your job.
I also know that going back to construction won’t be permanent, it is only for a season. How long I do not know. I just know where I have come from and I know my next steps – that’s it. And maybe that is all that God wants me to know right now; so that I will continue to trust him. You see, I have been hurt in the past and I tend to rely too much on myself because I have been afraid to trust him. Yet it wasn’t him who hurt me, it wasn’t him who left me behind. Sure, it FELT like it was, but it wasn’t. There’s a difference with what I feel and the truth of the matter.
As an alcoholic, we used to feel our way through life. I am now learning to understand that sometimes feelings aren’t right or wrong; they’re just feelings. I am learning about true worship. What does God really want from me more than anything? He wants me to trust him. How is he helping me to trust him? I feel right now that with transitions he is teaching me that He is my provision and He can be trusted above all.
So was this a post about transitions or trust? Well, both actually. By using one, he is helping me to reach a deeper level in the other. Now for my usual bible verse; here is a favorite of mine as I love nature and his creation.
Matthew 6:26-34 New International Version (NIV)
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
May your heart be at peace during this holiday season.