The WHY Factor/Love Perfected

If you have read any of my previous posts, you may think I’m wacky and weird; I’m fine with that. Heck, I even enjoy being called that at times. I find “normal” to be boring and the most interesting people in life I find are often the ones with the strangest sense of humor. 

What is the Why factor and what does it have to do with perfect love? Well, it has to do with problem solving I will say. It has to do with what is going on in my life and I hope that it will make sense to you by the time I am finished. Let’s start with this first: 

Problem solving: First identify the Who, What, When, Where, and finally Why.  

This is just one of many strategies of problem solving and one that I like to employ as I work through a problem in life. If I can successfully define each and every one of the parts to this equation, I can usually come up with a strategy to solve the problem. I have used this method most of my life; most times now it is automatic to me. But what if one of the parts in this equation is missing? What if the whole thing makes perfect sense until I get to the end…the Why? 

Let me apply this to health and fitness as if I were a trainer creating a fitness program for you; so that I can illustrate just how important that last piece is to the whole puzzle. You see – the other ones: The Who, What, When, and Where are all interchangeable. I can easily substitute someone else into this equation for the Who; I can substitute different activities or exercises for the What. I can use basically anywhere or any time for the When and Where but the Why….that is where it can get more difficult and the whole equation can fall apart because I can’t put in anything in the Why position. 

I can’t tell YOU Why you want to do something. I cannot reach into your mind and read your thoughts. I can only ask you what YOUR Why is and if you don’t quite have that part figured out then we may be in for a long day. Lol Is the Why factor starting to come into focus yet? Let’s look at it from a different point of view. 

How about someone comes to me and says “I want to quit drinking.” Easy enough right? Until you get to the Why part for some people. I have been in enough recovery rooms to notice that if their Why reason isn’t very strong; the chances of them lasting in recovery may not be good.  If someone just wants to quit drinking to get Johnny Law off of his back, or make the Mrs. Happy, those may not be good reasons to KEEP them sober. Why reasons being that their life is a mess, or I am tired of wasting my life; now those are still a bit vague but something REAL to grab ahold of.  (This is a loose judgement just for the purpose of making a point, not my actual judging of others) 

So, the Why factor for me is huge! I have actually started working a lot of problems in reverse. Once I find the Why I need to do something; the rest just falls into place. Try it, you may be surprised!  

Let me share some really cool news with you; the men’s recovery group that I am a part of is now becoming a ministry. The pastor (my sponsor also) has stepped away from his church to follow his passion of starting a recovery ministry. I can see the need in our community is great and now we come to the problem, we had no church to meet in. The church where we were meeting told us we had about a month to find a new home. The funds to rent a building? Some grants were out there awaiting a decision but nothing yet and time was drawing short. You see, all the factors of a PROBLEM; but we had the Why figured out from day 1.  

Why would you feel the need to start up a recovery ministry? Well, I didn’t let’s just start out by clarifying. It was my sponsor, not me. Most churches would say you’re crazy! There is no funding to support it; you will be unappreciated and have a revolving door of people that will stick around for a very short time. Yet if you asked my sponsor, he would smile and say that he didn’t have a choice; God told him to do it. 

Truth is, we all have a choice. He could have said no to his calling, he could have said no to God. What I think he means when he says that he doesn’t have a choice is that thing I would like to call a “Perfected Love”. Something that deep inside of you overrides your fears and just says “I will do it”. Not that he is perfect by any means; this is not a post intended to kiss up to my sponsor but it does explain why I said yes to him being my sponsor in the first place. He had ahold of something that I wanted.  

I would highly recommend those that are searching for a sponsor to be choosy in selecting a sponsor; find one who has something that you want. A quality that you would like to have for yourself and find out what makes him/her tick and be prepared for a ride if you are ready 🙂

Anyways, as I look back; I think I see that he had his Why figured out. His Why was that God loves him and he wants to share that with literally everyone he meets. I’m serious, spend 10 minutes with the guy and you’ll know what I’m talking about. People like that are getting harder and harder by the day to find so I count myself lucky. 

One of these days I will post my story on here and you will see that I have some trust issues; A LOT. I have been scarred by others and even done some scarring of my own TO others. (metaphorically speaking) Trusting people for me has been very difficult to say the least, you see I don’t just have issues; I have a subscription 😉 

Working with my sponsor has been a slow process, it takes time for this guy to get ahold of something but once I do; I’m off and running! My Why used to be “well, I’ll do it but I don’t wanna do it” or “Man, I’d really like to help but…(insert excuse here)” Now, my Why is “Because it’s the right thing to do” Aha! You probably thought that I was going to say something along the lines of “because God loves me”. El wrongo! You see, I’m not there yet! Though I am learning that God does love me, I am not “perfected” in his love and may never be! But it’s all about progress, and I’m farther along today than I was a year ago let me tell you. 

Another problem that I have been mulling over is how do we grow our group? Or church now – we have a whole church to fill! The story of How the funds came to be is for another day, I think it may have been because whoever provided the money maybe saw the Why was there and he/she had a nudge to be the How.  

So, I have been in prayer and thinking about What we could do to grow this church and I completely missed the Why. Then it came to me, the Why is love. Or, love perfected that is. What is perfect love? 

1 John 4:18 

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 

This tells me that perfect love is bold, has no fear. I want the kind of love that says “I’m doing this” and does it. Yet we need to be more than just a church of bold people…bold, brash and brave can lead to ruin. I have personally seen it and I want nothing to do with it. What else is said about Perfect love? 

1 Corinthians 13:4-6 New International Version (NIV) 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

This is what has been nagging at me, this is what we need! We need to be people who attract others by:  

  1. Being patient and kind, not pushy. Not bragging about which church is best, just doing the work set before us each day. 
  2. Forgiving, not seeking to be better than others.  Humble.
  3. Keeping secrets. In recovery, keeping secrets until a person is ready to share with others is huge! Unless the person is going to harm themselves or others; always be someone that they can share a secret with. I have seen secrets get out before and it can get nasty. 
  4. Being a place where others can have hope.  

This I believe is the vision set before first: my sponsor/pastor, and second: the rest of us guys in our group. The Why. The rest is in God’s hands really; the who, when, and where he provides/provided already. We need to keep the Why alive. 

Is this just for a recovery church? No. I chose to tell you about what is going on in my life because maybe it drives home the reasons why it is so important to find your why. Why do you want to get that new job? Why do you want to lose 15 lbs? Once you figure out the Why, the rest is easy really. I pray that whatever it is that is going on in your life, that you find your why. 

God bless, 

Ryan 

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